Mentoring Men

With special guest:

• Ian Westmoreland
  … in conversation with Bill Kable

Mentoring Men like a lot of great things in life started simply, one man and an idea.

Ian Westmoreland decided that what Australian men needed big time was an opportunity to learn from the wisdom and mistakes of other men. But he discovered that the number of such services offered free to adult Australian men was zip, zero, zilch. This is when he had the idea of setting up Mentoring Men. If this meant working full time 7 days a week for no pay then so be it.

There would be very few men who do not at some time experience periods of anxiety, feeling down, relationship issues and low self-esteem. For some men these negative emotions are occasional and for others they may occur more frequently. When it happens, men need someone who will listen to them without judgement.

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Transgender

With special guest:

• Sarah
  … in conversation with Bill Kable

Sometimes through no fault of our own the people closest to us will turn against us. People who do not even know us will take a position about who we are. Sarah, not her real name, was assigned male at birth but always knew something was not quite right. Finally after the trauma of a marriage breakdown Sarah decided to express her true self by confirming her gender.

While she expected this to be a challenge, she was not expecting all of the problems she would then face from her family and the legal system. Join us today so by listening to Sarah we can all learn something about ourselves.

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Dads in Distress

With special guest:

• Pete Nicholls
  … in conversation with Glen Poole

2019 marks twenty years of Dads in Distress (DIDs) activities.

This is a fabulous achievement which deserves widespread recognition in our community. From an idea conceived on a veranda in Coffs Harbour by Founder Tony Miller it is fair to say that thousands of men who felt they were in hopeless situations have been helped.

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From Little Things Big Things Grow

With special guest:

• John Stapleton
  … in conversation with Bill Kable

John Stapleton is a legend at Dads on the Air. In the year 2000 while working as a journalist he became involved with a number of fathers who struggled to see their own children because of the machinations of the Family Court. Worse still, because of the legislation no-one in the broader community knew what was going on. So John resolved to shed some light on the problem through a community radio program run on a shoestring from 2GLF in Liverpool New South Wales after giving the program its name. Here we are 18 years later still going strong.

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Fathers and Daughters

 

With special guest:

• Madonna King
  … in conversation with Bill Kable

The word “daughter” with its silent letters points to something going on beneath the surface. To find out exactly what is going on between daughters and their Dads calls for a type of explorer who is prepared to investigate widely and give a voice to their thoughts and feelings.

Our guest today is Madonna King one of Australia’s most accomplished journalists. In her new book, Fathers and Daughters: Helping girls and their dads build unbreakable bonds Madonna with her typical thoroughness has interviewed no fewer than 1300 girls and 400 Dads along with a host of school principals, psychologists, researchers and even neuroscientists to give us some answers.

Sometimes the natural instinct of Dads to “fix things” is not what is required. Being a good listener is what his daughter is looking for. Sometimes a practical approach rather than an emotional response is the way to go. Sometimes Dad does not need to do anything, his daughter can learn a lot by modelling and by watching how he relates to others. Dad may show his care by actions rather than words but if that is the case Dad needs to remember just how important he is in his daughter’s life.

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An Attachment-Based Model of Parental Alienation

With special guest:

• Dr Craig Childress
  … in conversation with Bill Kable

Why is parental alienation such a controversial topic?

Nearly everyone knows someone who has had a child turned against them after separation of the parents. It happens unfortunately all over the world and looks remarkably similar wherever you find it. The construct was defined and given a label, “parental alienation” some thirty years ago by Dr Richard Gardner. More recently there has been a strong push to have it included as a separate diagnosis in the therapists’ “Bible” the DSM-5.

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The Equal Parent Presumption

With special guest:

• Dr Edward Kruk
   … in conversation with Bill Kable

Our guest today has produced a book of 167 pages, The Equal Parent Presumption: Social Justice in the Legal Determination of Parenting after Divorce, that should be required reading for everyone who works in the space of parenting after divorce; and that includes Judges who routinely make sole parenting orders, Psychologists who offer family therapy, and all the other institutions that influence family relationships.

The trouble really arises because although there is a mantra of acting “in the best interest of the child” this becomes a discretionary assessment by a Judge who has no training in the area of child development or family dynamics and furthermore the Judge takes no interest in reviewing the outcome of the decision. Dr Kruk invites us to take the child’s position.

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Are Fathers Important for Adolescents?

With special guest:

• Dr William (Bill) Fabricius

Most studies in the area of children and families concentrate on the influence of mothers. Fathers are understudied in this area. For this reason we welcome the results of a paper on the role of fathers and we have the opportunity today to speak with one of its lead authors, Associate Professor Dr William Fabricius who joins us from New York. The title of the paper is Effects of the Inter-Parental Relationship on Adolescents’ Emotional Security and Adjustment: The Important Role of Fathers.

This new study looked at hundreds of adolescents, a balanced mix of those living with biological dads and those with stepdads studied in three waves from Grades 7 to 12 across ethnic and gender lines. The research measured the effect of non-violent parental conflict, Intimate Partner Violence and demonstrated affection. The findings revealed the importance of marital quality, namely the level of parental love and closeness, and interestingly “mattering to father.”

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Non-Custodial Parents Party (Equal Parenting)

With special guest:

• Anthony Fels
  … in conversation with Bill Kable

Anthony Fels is a former Member of the WA Parliament who is standing for the Non-Custodial Parents Party (Equal Parenting) in the By-Election for the Federal seat of Bennelong.

Anthony knows his way around politics and he is bringing that knowledge and experience to fight for parents and children caught up in the Family Court/Child Support nightmare. There have been enquiries, a new one is about to begin on the Family Court but there has been little improvement since 1975.

Anthony draws on his own experiences as well as those of his electorates over the years to reveal his determination to improve the lot of parents and children in their most important fight.

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Leading Women for Shared Parenting

With special guest:

• Molly Olson

Why would leading women want to join a group that is striving to achieve the sharing of time that children spend with both parents after separation or divorce? If the approach of the Courts and the legislature has always been that the mothers are essential, fathers not so, why would these women work tirelessly to make changes?

Molly Olson is one of the fair-minded women found around the world who can see the benefits to the children as well as to the parents if the allocated time is shared. After listening to Molly it becomes a no-brainer that in her words the system has to change and it will change.

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Understanding Parental Alienation

With special guests:

• Karen & Nick Woodall

Everyone seems to know someone who has been affected by parental alienation, even if the name of the condition may not be recognised. We have all seen children, following a separation, who reject a parent and cling to the other parent when there is no good reason for doing so.

We would expect therapists working in this area to be on the lookout for the tell-tale signs that a child is fully alienated. However because of a galling lack of understanding of the condition this is not always so. Even the early signs may be missed such as when a child who is usually happy to come to your house or come with you on trips begins to find it difficult to do so.

Once the alienation has taken root it is obvious to any thinking person that there is something wrong because the child’s reality has been distorted. At that point the worst aspect of a separation with another parent may take place, namely, you lose your child.

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Protecting Emilie

With special guest:

• Lisa Heim

A check in the index of topics will reveal that we have explored parental alienation from different angles by talking to academics, psychologists and researchers. Today we cross to Florida in the USA to hear a very real account of what this type of psychological child abuse looks like to those who are personally caught up in it.

Lisa Heim is the author of Protecting Emilie and in this book she tells the story of what happens to people catapulted into this nightmare world of parental alienation, something that could happen to you, your neighbour or parents on the other side of the world. Lisa gives an account of her relationship with her husband, his daughter Emilie, in the title of the book, and her own daughter, as it was affected by the conflict instigated by Emilie’s mother.

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Children in Crisis

With special guest:

• Dr David Curl

Our distinguished guest in today’s program is very familiar with threatened species in the animal kingdom, having worked with luminaries such as the late Gerald Durrell OBE and Sir David Attenborough. He is now directing his considerable energy and ability to helping our own species in a crisis that is of our own making.

For a child, few crises are bigger than the loss of a loving parent. We often hear about those who had to grow up after the early death of a parent and those who never got over it. Fortunately, this does not happen to many of us. But a parent can be taken away by the Family Court just as effectively. If not handled properly, the separation of the child’ parents from each other can lead to immense personal suffering for their children and increased lifetime risks of physical and mental illness, even suicide. For this to happen to even one child is a catastrophe, but the reality is that tens of thousands of children, in Australia alone, are being forced to experience this trauma, compounded by the loss of other family members, as a direct result of the action or inaction of Australia’s adversarial family court system.

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Separate Well or Separation Hell

With special guest:

• Peter Nowosielski

If we are planning on buying a house, a car or even a pair of shoes most of us will engage in some research before embarking down that road. Therefore it is passingly strange that when we arrive at a place where decisions are going to have a major impact on our lives and those we love the most our research is often limited to asking a few friends what they think. If professional advice is sought it is usually from the lawyers who in our adversarial system have most to gain from promoting conflict so that it finishes up in court.

Our guest today is a founder of Separate Well consultancy services providing expert independent advice on how to do the best for your family if separation from your partner is the only option. And in his book Separate Well or Separation Hell Peter draws on over ten years’ experience to dispel myths associated with separation and divorce. Peter provides practical advice in down to earth language. You will not find any lawyers’ jargon here.

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Parental Alienation Awareness Day Australia

With special guest:

• Amanda Sillars

Sometimes good can come from the most horrific events in a person’s life.

Amanda Sillars is our guest in this program and Amanda has experienced extreme parental alienation both as a child and a targeted parent. Her reaction has been to become an energetic campaigner against parental alienation which affects so many children and parents in our community.

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Father’s Day is Special

With special guest:

• Warwick Marsh

Today we welcome Warwick Marsh as we approach Father’s Day in 2016. Warwick started the Dads4 Kids Fatherhood Foundation not long after Dads on the Air first hit the airwaves and has been one of our most frequent guests over the years.

Warwick brings enormous enthusiasm to everything he does and he does a lot. To get the message out about what it can mean to be a father Warwick has through the Dads4 Kids Foundation produced Community Service Announcements which have been taken up by network television stations. We urge everyone to see these vignettes, if not on your local TV station then on Dads4Kids YouTube channel. In the 2016 edition it tears at your heartstrings to hear a range of children from many different backgrounds provide a script with the simple word “Dad” or sometimes “Daddy”.

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Parental Alienation: Intervene or Not?

With special guest:

• Dr Mandy Matthewson

Dr Matthewson is both a University academic and a Clinical Psychologist. She has a particular interest in how father-child relationships influence children’s development as well as the impact of parental alienation.

In this program we are given a preview of what to expect from the results of studies that are currently underway at the University of Tasmania.

We ask Dr Matthewson if the parents who are targeted by parental alienation have any common characteristics, thinking it might make us more cautious before becoming a parent or even to warn others. Is it the nice guys who are most at risk?

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The Parental Alienation Syndrome

With special guest:

• Linda Gottlieb Kase

In today’s program we go to New York to find out the latest on the way Parental Alienation is treated by the Courts and by therapists internationally. While Parental Alienation Syndrome (or PAS) still appears to be a controversial topic in Australia there is no difficulty in recognising this evil for what it is in the USA.

In Linda Gottlieb Kase’s book she describes 56 alienated children and 32 alienated parents from her experience in practice. In these studies there are more mothers being the alienators with fathers being the target but this is put down to the syndrome being opportunistic rather than any particular propensity of either sex. In the USA as in Australia the mothers get a greater share of time with the children awarded by the Courts and accordingly their opportunity to alienate the children is also greater. Interestingly Linda Gottlieb Kase says that if fathers were awarded more time with their children it is likely that they would be more likely to be the alienators.

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Are Fathers Important for Adolescents?

With special guest:

• Dr William (Bill) Fabricius

Most studies in the area of children and families concentrate on the influence of mothers. Fathers are understudied in this area. For this reason we welcome the results of a soon to be published paper on the role of fathers and we have the opportunity today to speak with one of its lead authors, Associate Professor Dr William Fabricius who joins us from New York. The title of the paper is Effects of the Inter-Parental Relationship on Adolescents’ Emotional Security and Adjustment: The Important Role of Fathers.

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Broken Lives Broken Minds

With special guest:

• Pamela Roche

The attitude of politicians towards International Parental Child Abduction seems to be “It ain’t broke and I ain’t gonna fix it.”; Our guest today is Pamela Roche who tells us how the system is broken and we need to get the word out to politicians, judges, lawyers and professional therapists.

When the father of her children breached English Family Court orders and refused to return them after a visit to the USA Pamela expected that she could rely on the legal system and the various institutions to restore order. She discovered that the USA is a signatory to the Hague Convention on the Civil Aspects of International Parental Child Abduction. This is a multilateral treaty developed by the Hague Conference on Private International Law that provides an expeditious method to return a child internationally abducted by a parent from one member country to another. Pamela naively believed that with the USA being a first world country and part of the Hague Convention this should have been straightforward once she established the facts and got local advice.

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