Women Who Speak Out For Men

Barbara Kay

With Special Guests:

• Barbara Kay and
• Malia Blom.

There are many passionate and committed women working hard to improve the lives of men and boys in the arenas of men’s health, fatherhood, boys’ education, domestic violence, divorce and separation, and the many other areas we cover regularly on our program. It is regularly observed in this post-feminist era of political correctness that the voice of a woman can often be worth that of a hundred men. This week on Dads on the Air we interview two North American women who have the courage to speak up on behalf of men and boys. Barbara Kay was a frequent contributor of op/eds, book reviews and humour pieces to the National Post, a Canadian national newspaper based in Toronto. She became a regular Comment page columnist for the newspaper in September, 2003. Her refreshingly direct, brave and honest columns have regularly covered issues of concern to men and boys. Often shunning the political correctness adopted by many of her media colleagues, Kay’s articles have been widely circulated amongst the international men’s and fathers’ movement for being genuinely sympathetic to the lived experience of so many males in the West. Some examples of her writing include

• On domestic violence, no one wants to hear the truth
• The plight of divorced dads
• The last white ribbon
• An Embattled Champion Of Male Values
• Forgetting the male victims of child abuse
• A school board’s message:Women good, men bad
• Fathers helping fathers
• For want of a father
• Disenfranchised dads
• Welcome to the matriarchy and
• A Father’s Day I’d like to see.

Here’s a short passage from The plight of divorced dads:

“Of the myriad forms of discrimination men cite, one looms over the rest: The egregious treatment meted out to fathers in the throes of contested child custody following the “no-fault” divorces most of them did not initiate or desire. My files bulge with stories of disenfranchised fathers ripped from their children’s arms and lives. They have lost their homes, their careers, fortunes, friends and reputations, often on the basis of false allegations of abuse (for which their female accusers are virtually never punished). I wouldn’t mention such anecdotal evidence, if the anguish in these testimonials didn’t jibe with objective data confirming the shameful gender bias that dominates the family law system.

“About half of all marriages end in divorce. Women are twice as likely to initiate a divorce as men, largely because they can be fairly sure they’ll end up with control of the children. Where shared parenting is the default template, divorce rates plummet. Men are six times as likely as women to commit suicide within the first two years after a separation: That they kill themselves from despair rather than their ex-wives for revenge is, ironically, a tragically eloquent rebuttal to the feminist credo that men are inherently dangerous to women. Although 25% of women make more money than their spouses, 97% of support payers are men (even in cases of shared parenting). Mobility decisions favour women: The psychological comfort to a Vancouver mother of moving near her Toronto-based family will be privileged over the psychological devastation the virtual loss of his children causes the Vancouver-bound father.

“Misandry in family law begins with an ideology that views children as the property of women, even though many peer-reviewed studies show children want and need both parents, and no studies show sole parenting by a mother serves children’s best interests. This ideology is instilled in judges during training sessions featuring feminism-driven materials, and subsequently often plays out as unaccountable kangaroo courts. The result is that an adversarial mother who initiates a divorce against the will of the father - however indifferent her parenting skills, however superb his and even if the children spend their days with nannies or day care workers - pretty well has a lock on sole custody of the children. If she denies rightful access to the father, she will never be punished at all. Conversely, if he withholds money, he will be criminalized: His picture as a “deadbeat dad” may appear on government-sanctioned Internet sites, and if he goes to jail, as is likely, he will serve a longer sentence than cocaine dealers.”

The US Boys and Schools program is dedicated to improving the lives and futures of boys. Their outreach efforts focus on raising public awareness regarding issues related to boys’ health and achievement. They offer tools and resources that can help make a change in boys’ lives. The Boys and Schools program is a project of the Men’s Health Network, a non-profit educational organization committed to improving the health and well-being of men and boys. Malia Blom is the director of the Boys and Schools program, who lives and works in Alexandria, Virginia, with her husband James, and her two sons, Andy and Magnus. Blom gave an excellent presentation at last year’s Boys and the Boy Crisis conference in Washington DC, and it will be a pleasure to have her on Dads on the Air to talk about the crisis facing boys and young men in the US education system, and the excellent strategies being supported by Boys and Schools. Some of the examples of the strategies supported by the Boys and Schools program include:

• More research regarding boys’ developmental needs and learning styles, and greater public awareness of these differences
• Early intervention as a means to develop literacy skills and a positive attitude about school
• Mentoring, and greater parental and community involvement.
• More flexibility for educators in trying different techniques to reach boys
• Better efforts to meet the mental health needs of boys
• Educating policy makers about the need for specialized programs to boost boys’ educational outcomes
• Creating a culture of support for boys.

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