Splitting ... World Mental Health Day

With special guest:

• Bill Eddy

Raising issues for World Mental Health Day and National Mental Health Week

The word Splitting brings to mind a number of possibilities but in Bill Eddy’s book Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with a Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder it is not the obvious meaning of breaking up with a partner. Here we are looking at “splitting” meaning a defence mechanism universally seen in people with Borderline and Narcissistic Personality Disorders. It means unconsciously seeing people as all good or all bad and is especially prevalent when there is stress such as in a break-up with someone the person afflicted sees as critical to emotional survival.

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Relating to Men

With special guest:

• Jasmin Newman

Why would a mother of two children living in the idyllic town of Merimbula on the south coast of NSW become an advocate for men and their children? Jasmin Newman is the right person to ask.

Jasmin tells us she was affronted by the lack of social justice towards men in our society where the pain of many men is ignored and dismissed as irrelevant. At the extreme end of this pain is the despair and hopelessness associated with suicide. We hear from Jasmin the truly extraordinary information that on average 39 men are recorded in the Australian statistics every week as “death by suicide.”

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Father’s Day: Sad for some Dads

With special guest:

• Karen Hodgkins

‘Dad’ is a documentary that Karen Hodgkins has made for a higher purpose than looking for film industry awards. This new film is a powerful and emotional appeal to the law makers and the law enforcers to do something for the Dads who are not travelling as well as frequently portrayed in our society.

In our interview today Karen tells us that she was asked by a Dad in May 2013 to do some research on the injustices in the Family Court and Child Support systems. This Dad was desperate to spend more time with his own children and suspected there was more going on than the general population is aware of.

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Daddy’s OK

With special guest:

• Dean Mason

In his book Daddy’s OK: Fathers’ stories of separation, divorce and rebuilding author Dean Mason takes us into the world of 14 families that have been through the trauma of separation and divorce. The 2006 Census showed that 50% of children in single parent families never have an overnight stay with the other parent, normally the Dad. But if our eyes glass over when contemplating the tens of thousands of Dads in this situation Dean brings it back to the individual personal level with these real life stories from his days as National Chairman of Dads in Distress Support Services.

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The other glass ceiling: fathers stepping up, mothers letting go

With special guest:

• Charles Areni

In the news lately there have been frequent references to pay differentials between males and females. This is often put down to the different opportunities available in the workplace because of gender roles that are a hangover from a less-enlightened past. But what about the denial of opportunities to look after the children and get involved in other areas around the home? In brief, Mums have too many roles, Dads have too few.

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Fathers and Daughters – What are the issues?

With special guest:

• Professor Linda Nielsen

Our guest, Professor Linda Nielsen speaks to us today from North Carolina in the United States about a topic that nearly everyone has a stake in but on which there is very little guidance. How important is the relationship between a daughter and her father? This topic has been explored by Dr Nielsen in her latest book Father-Daughter Relationships: Contemporary Research & Issues.

Many studies have been directed at the importance of a mother’s relationships with her children. But a father may need some reassurance about the value of his relationship with his daughter particularly if he feels more comfortable with his son. The first thing we get to check with Dr Nielsen is what is it that fathers do for their daughters? Are they really needed?

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One paycheque away from homelessness

With special guest:

• Rev Bill Crews AM

The Reverend Bill Crews is known to all levels of society simply as “Bill”. For the past 40 years he has worked with the people who have “fallen through the cracks” and in the process has been recognised as one of the National Trust’s 100 National Living Treasures as well as receiving many other major awards.

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Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with a Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder

With special guest:

• Bill Eddy

The word Splitting brings to mind a number of possibilities but in Bill Eddy’s book it is not the obvious meaning of breaking up with a partner. Here we are looking at “splitting” meaning a defence mechanism universally seen in people with Borderline and Narcissistic Personality Disorders. It means unconsciously seeing people as all good or all bad and is especially prevalent when there is stress such as in a break-up with someone the person afflicted sees as critical to emotional survival.

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Parenting today in Amsterdam

With special guest:

• Benjamin Wondergem

Our guest today brings a European flavour to the program. Benjamin has confronted both personally and professionally many of the problems we see in Australia relating to shared parenting and fathers gaining access to their own children if the other parent is unwilling.

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'Dad' the Documentary

With special guest:

• Karen Hodgkins

‘Dad’ is a documentary that Karen Hodgkins has made for a higher purpose than looking for film industry awards. This new film is a powerful and emotional appeal to the law makers and the law enforcers to do something for the Dads who are not travelling as well as frequently portrayed in our society.

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Continued Parenting

With special guest:

• Prof Robert Kenedy

Robert Kennedy was a famous American political leader but our guest today with a similar name is recognised around the world for other reasons. We speak in this program to Professor Kenedy in Toronto Canada to find out what he has discovered after conducting research in the areas of fathers, shared parenting and related issues for the last 15 years. This research has taken Robert to the UK, the US, Europe and most recently Australia and New Zealand where he has conducted thousands of interviews.

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Out on a Limb

With special guest: 

•  Simon Turner

 Simon Turner’s book Out on a Limb is refreshingly plain speaking. To read the book is like sitting down with a mate who has some important, perhaps life-changing, information to share. Using language we can all relate to, Simon takes us through the jungle that confronts a father at the gates of a Family Law dispute with the mother of their children.

Simon discusses what he describes as the three golden rules that were passed on to him informally by a Family Court Judge in an Art Gallery rather than a court room. Based on these golden rules Simon gives some invaluable ideas about how a dad can give himself the best chance of continuing to parent his child after a separation or divorce.

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Daddy's OK

With special guest:

• Dean Mason

In his book Daddy’s OK: Fathers’ stories of separation, divorce and rebuilding author Dean Mason takes us into the world of 14 families that have been through the trauma of separation and divorce. The 2006 Census showed that 50% of children in single parent families never have an overnight stay with the other parent, normally the Dad. But if our eyes glass over when contemplating the tens of thousands of Dads in this situation Dean brings it back to the individual personal level with these real life stories from his days as National Chairman of Dads in Distress Support Services.

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The other glass ceiling: fathers stepping up, mothers letting go

With special guest

• Charles Areni

In the news lately there have been frequent references to pay differentials between males and females. This is often put down to the different opportunities available in the workplace because of gender roles that are a hangover from a less-enlightened past. But what about the denial of opportunities to look after the children and get involved in other areas around the home? In brief, Mums have too many roles, Dads have too few.

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Daddy's OK launch - Sydney

Dads on the Air was privileged to be invited to the Sydney launch of Dean Mason’s new book Daddy’s OK: Fathers’ stories of separation, divorce and rebuilding. The launch was held at Better Read than Dead bookshop in Newtown on Thursday 23 August 2012.

Leading up to the launch Dean has been on the airwaves, both radio and TV, telling us about his new book which sets out the real life experience of dads caught up in the Australian Family Law system. Many of the stories are heartbreaking. But even as we get emotionally involved through the printed page there is an underlying message about what fathers can and should be doing if they find themselves in this all too common experience.

The message here is not just for the dads, but for all their family and friends and those who may know someone going through the hell of family separation.

If you would like to share the experience of hearing from Dean about his book and listen to what was revealed at the launch by Michael Green QC and Phil York from DIDSS, listen in to our exclusive broadcast of a special night in Sydney with national implications.

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Psychiatry and One Man's Story

With special guests:

• Prof. Miles Groth and
• ‘Tom’.

Our first guest this week is American Professor Miles Groth, who is full professor in the Department of Psychology at Wagner College, Staten Island, New York. He trained as a psychoanalyst in New York, where he has lectured residents in psychiatry on integrating existential analysis with traditional inpatient treatment. He has been in private practice since 1977.

Dr. Groth studied at Franklin and Marshall College and Duquesne University, and completed his PhD at Fordham University. He is the author of three books, and co-editor of Engaging College Men: Discovering What Works and Why, chapters in five books, twenty-six articles and fifty book reviews in nineteen different peer-reviewed journals. He is past editor of the International Journal of Men’s Health co-founding editor with Diederik Janssen of Thymos: Journal of Boyhood Studies.

Professor Groth will be in Australia soon to present at the Australian Institute of Male Health and Studies’ first Male Studies Symposium in Adelaide in June, at the Adelaide Convention Centre, where his topic will be ‘The Boy is Father to the Man’. As part of his presentation, he will speak about the state of the nuclear family, in particular the missing father and the effects of this on boys’ lives.

We then speak with “Tom” (not his real name for legal reasons), who tells his own story of how he was dispossessed of his children, by a legal system that he once foolishly believed to be fair and just, as it adjudicated the sensitive issues surrounding parental separation.

He made the mistake of trusting a system which has built a huge industry out of personal misery, and appears to have as its main objective the need to create the greatest amount of conflict possible, in order to fleece the greatest amount of the family wealth from warring parents.

Not taking it laying down however, “Tom” has embarked on a personal mission to warn an unsuspecting community, of the destructive practices employed by the divorce industry, and tells of the tactics he is using to expose such practices. Well worth listening to, especially for all those who are at a point where perhaps they feel there is nowhere else to go, and that there is nothing they can personally do.

Editor

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Chaos At The Crossroads

With special guest:

• John Stapleton.

Joining us this week is well known and respected Australian Journalist, Author and co-founder of Dads On The Air, John Stapleton, who will launch his new book, ‘Chaos At The Crossroads’, which tells the story of the long struggle for family law reform in Australia. It also tells the interesting story of the formation of Dads On The Air.

There is no doubt this book will be much sought after by future historians, as it provides an important account of the anguish and despair suffered by so many thousands of Australian families, made possible due to atrocious Family Law Legislation, during an extremely dark period in our history. It also documents the work of those who stood up to the anti Men, Father and Family lobby, many of whom have devoted thousands of hours of their own time, to alert the wider community to the destructive excesses of the prevailing multi- billion dollar Family Justice Industry.  

John wrote for a variety of Australian publications including The Bulletin and The Financial Review before joining the staff of The Sydney Morning Herald in the mid 1980s. He spent the last 15 years of his journalistic career, until 2009, working as a general news reporter on The Australian. He is the proud father of two teenage children. His work has appeared in several anthologies, including Men Love Sex and Australian Politics.

In 2000 he joined a small group of separated dads at 2GLF in western Sydney and helped to found Dads On The Air, now the world?s longest running fathers radio program. Over the next nine years he spent many hundreds of hours keeping the then struggling program alive. He is currently living in Bangkok. The shown continues to prosper without him. On a visit to Sydney in October 2010 he participated in Dads On The Air?s tenth anniversary program, which featured some of its original members and most enduring supporters.

About ‘CHAOS AT THE CROSSROADS’:  

“An early draft of Chaos At The Crossroads went up at the old Dads On The Air website in 2004, when the environment for family law reform was entirely different to what it is today. Six years after that first rough draft, the first edition of the evolving story of family law reform in Australia is complete and becomes available for purchase as an e-book this week. It is a case study in community activism, institutional resistance to change, political chicanery and the damage that can be done by allowing ideology to dominate public policy.

Chaos At The Crossroads: Family Law Reform in Australia will be available at all major e-book retailers including Apple’s iBookstore, Amazon.com, Sony’s Reader Store, Barnes & Noble, Kobo, Borders Books, and Diesel eBook Store, which combined cover 98 per cent of the eBook market.  

The book unabashedly looks at the issues of family law from a father’s perspective. Without the hundreds of millions of dollars that are poured into supporting women’s causes of all kinds, including advocacy groups and grants to university researchers, father’s voices are often invisible in the public debate. We try to redress the balance a little in our own humble way.

Chaos At The Crossroads is the first manuscript to be published by Dads On The Air Books. In the future we hope to encourage other authors to come into the stable. For fathers there can be all too many stories to tell; and we would ultimately hope to support a wide variety of work, from exposes of the divorce industry to memoirs of fathers and the roles they have played, picturesque, piquant, sad, appalling, wonderful; as well as to disseminate academic texts and journalese, fact and fiction.

Chaos tells the story of the long and frustrating struggle for family law reform in Australia, not just by separated fathers, their supporters and their lobby groups, but by grandparents and other family members cut out of children’s lives by the sole-custody model purveyed by the court, second wives, children of divorce, non-custodial mothers and those with a concern for social justice and the poor personal outcomes for fathers and children alike post-separation, or for the unfashionable issue of the consequences of state-created fatherlessness and the community disfigurement that results.

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Equal Parental Involvement

With special guests:

• Professor Thea Brown and
  

• John Stapleton.
                                                                              

This week we have an interesting interview with Professor Thea Brown, from Monash University, who speaks about her paper “Shared parenting and parental involvement in children’s schooling following separation and divorce”.

Professor Brown was appointed as Professor of Social Work in 1988, serving as Head of the Department, the Director of International Programs and Deputy Head and is now Professor, Research.  Her most recent research focus has been on separating parents and their children, on family violence and parental separation and divorce and on services supporting separating parents.

 

Professor Brown, speaks about the important need for Governments to act, in order to ensure that non-custodial parents continue to be involved with their childrens’ progress, especially in the area of their education. She points out the unacceptable policy differences in this area, which vary from State to State and from school to school.

 

We also spoke briefly with John Stapleton, who is in Thailand at present. Unfortunately the phone connection was not very good, and eventually dropped out. We hope to speak with John again in the near future. 

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Families And Elections

With special guests:

• Samantha Page and
  

• John Flanagan.
                                                                              

First up we speak with Samantha Page, who is the Executive Director of Family Relationship Services Australia (FRSA), which is the national peak body for family relationship and support services. Their purpose and mission, is to provide national leadership and representation for services that work to strengthen the well-being, safety and resilience of families, children and communities.  

FRSA member organizations deliver professional, quality assured family and relationship services across Australia through more than 400 outlets. Their membership includes faith-based and secular organizations, ranging in size and scope from small local community organizations to large state-wide and national service providers.  

Samantha faced some difficult questioning dealing with the delays in the system, the non-compliance of court orders, and the agenda driven anti shared parenting bias of some of the agencies.

Our second guest this week is John Flanagan, who is the Deputy Registered Officer of the Non-Custodial Parents Party (Equal Parenting). John speaks candidly about the role of his party in the coming Federal Elections.   

While the NCPP does not expect to see any of their candidates in Parliament, the Party nevertheless plays an important role in raising community awareness to the perilous state of  the Family Justice System, and the debilitating cost to the fabric of our society.  

John acknowledges that the 2006 legislation, which provided us with the much heralded “Equal Shared Parenting Responsibility Bill”, has absolutely nothing to do with  “Equal Shared Parenting Time” for separated parents.  

Unfortunately, while Dads On The Air correctly pointed out at the time, that it was a cruel exercise in Political Spin, most of the wider community, the service providers, as well as many in the fatherhood movement, fell for this discredited political con job.

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Dads in Distress Special

With special guests:

• Barry Guidera
  

• Laurence Anderson
  

• Rob Koch and

• Marcia Payne.                                                                               

For Australian men, who have reached the end of their emotional ability to cope with the ravages of a Family Justice system, which has removed their children, property and savings, Dads In Distress provides a safe and supportive haven for them to regain their emotional strength and sense of self-worth.

This week we salute all those who work in this wonderful organization, and who give up much of their spare time to help their fellow human beings cope, with the preventable, most traumatizing time in their lives.

Now 10 years old, Dads In Distress [DIDS] is moving from strength to strength in support of an ever increasing group of emotionally damaged dispossessed parents. First up we speak with the National Manager of DIDS, Barry Guidera, who gives us an overview of their great work. Next we speak with the Victorian project co-ordinator Laurence Anderson who details the new operational strategies being developed. We follow this by talking to Rob Koch Better Men Australia, who acts as a consultant to DIDS, and details some of the advice he offers DIDS.

We close the show speaking with Marcia Payne, DIDS Support Services, who has worked in Women’s refuges and who, having witnessed first hand the services provided to abused women, is deeply concerned at the lack of interest shown by our Governments, to acknowledge and provide support for the growing number of abused Men in our society.

The following is a snippet from the DIDS website which offers a wealth of information and support, to those finding themselves at the end of their emotional road.

“If you are finding it hard to deal with the break-up of a marriage, depression, child access, family court or just need someone to talk to, Dads in Distress is there to help”.

“Dads in Distress is a dedicated support group of men (in Australia) whose immediate concern is to stem the present trend of male suicide due to the trauma of divorce or separation. Current statistics that have been published, indicate too many men will take their own lives in preference to facing family, friends and importantly their own children with the failure of the relationship. We aim to prevent this incidence from occurring by showing the men and the community at large that someone really cares”

“While Dads in Distress Support Services (DIDSS) by its very name appears to be focused mainly on supporting men through separation from their partner and/or children, we actually have the health, safety and well-being of ALL the family uppermost in our mind. As a harm-prevention charity it saddens us that in our modern society of Australia there are men, women and children who are being harmed, and harming one another, in the very place where love and kindness should prevail”

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